Looking For A Pet Peeve

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All my life I’ve been hearing about people having pet peeves. I finally asked one guy what kind of critter it is and he yelled “That’s one of ’em!” Some people. I’ve had dogs, cats, birds, fish, an occasional reptile and once a pet rock back in the 70s, but I’ve never seen a pet peeve. I don’t know where they come from, how big they are, what they eat, or if they’re potty trained. Are they good home security, or do they just lay around all the time licking themselves?

Well, I thought the internet would give me a straight answer, but it just muddied the water. It seems whatever a pet peeve is, people don’t like them very much. In that case, why have one to start with? The dictionary says a pet peeve is irritating and annoying, and then goes on to compare it to random things that frankly have nothing to do with having a pet. For instance, there’s this website called GetAnnoyed.com that has a list as long as your arm of things that are suppose to remind people how bad a pet peeve is. Makes me want to vow to never have one, that’s for sure, but it also makes me more determined to find a picture of it so I can avoid it. For instance, a pet peeve is like a driver who doesn’t use their turn signal. Those kind of folks don’t bother me in the least, because I don’t know where I’m going half the time anyway. Another pet peeve reminded a fellow of someone talking out loud while they’re writing a letter or email. Heck, I kind of enjoy hearing what other people have to say. Some other guy compares a pet peeve to kids who tease dogs through the fence. I suppose you should leave your pet peeve inside if you want peace with the neighbors.

Pet peeves must be pretty wicked, what with so many people upset with them. I knew a man once that owned a pet rattlesnake. He always tried to get the rattler to share its space with mice, but that never worked out. If I ever break down and get me a pet peeve I believe I’d keep it locked in the bedroom when company drops by. There’s this other website that even has a top ten list of comparisons to pet peeves, called (of course, der) thetoptens.com/pet-peeves.com. Their number one problem with pet peeves is like someone chewing and talking with their mouth open. I have to admit, that can get fairly messy when you’re slurping soup, but if you have, say, a dog around while you’re smacking away at your dinner, he won’t mind in the least if some vittles drop out of your mouth. As a matter of fact, some dogs have no problem eating food you’ve already chewed up, especially if you open your mouth wide enough. Pet peeves must not be very clean animals, because the number three reason why they’re disliked is because it’s like not washing your hands after going to the toilet. What kind of sick pervert goes around watching other people in the toilet? If you don’t like your pet peeve’s hygiene, bathe it from time to time for goodness sake!

I think pet peeve owners should really try to get a life. One woman’s pet peeve annoyed her so much she said it was like having a road map that wasn’t folded properly. I’m starting to wonder if pet peeves are getting a bum rap. Another guy compared his pet peeve to people who don’t use coasters. For cryin’ out loud, mister! Use a napkin! Just the other day a lady at Wal-Mart complained that her pet peeve left the toilet seat up. How rude! How do you think the pet peeve feels having to close the toilet seat all the time? It’s just an animal, remember?

I think I’ll get me one of those pet peeves if I can just find one. Nobody I talk to wants to part with theirs, even though all they want to do it bitch about it. Once I have one for my very own, I’ll let it leave the toilet seat up, and it won’t even have to wash afterwards.

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