It’s All in the Touch

I came across this story about a doctor who suffers from ‘mirror touch synesthesia,’ a rare condition in which a person feels the same discomforts as another. If there is any occupation an empath should avoid, I would think it would be a doctor, especially a surgeon. “Hi, I’m Doctor Empath, I’m just going to administer some anesthesia now . . . wellll, Iyeeeeeeee zzzzzzzz,” or “Scalpel…scalpel…nurse, hand me the damned scalpel! I’m going to make my first incision AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Could you imagine being the scrub tech to an empath surgeon with a bad memory? “Naw, you ain’t gittin this scalpel, doc. You really don’t want it, trust me. It’s bad enough hearin you scream when you make the first incision, but ya gotta keep the bloody noise up all through surgery!”

I bet an empath has a very satisfying sex life. There’s children around, so we won’t say anything more about it. But satisfying indeed! If you think about it though, an empath would make the perfect spouse. A woman would know what it feels like to live without a brain, and a man would know what it feels like to be a bitch. An empathic wife lets her husband watch football all the time, and am empathic husband provides LOTS of chocolate ice cream. Nirvana.

Were I an empath I would stay away from everyone. If for any reason a person needed to see me face-to-face, they would have to fill out a simple four page health screening form, no ifs, ands or buts. Don’t be alarmed should you meet me, though. The full plate armor I’m wearing is for your safety, not mine.  I’d really like for you to sign a document swearing you’ll take full responsibility for any injury sustained while in my presence. No, it doesn’t mean I’ve got the right to beat the snot out of you, either. Well, it kinda does, technically, but I give you my word I won’t. I have no desire to liberate your mucous.

Usually I carry on like this for miles, but here’s your stop.  I’d like to leave you with a limerick in tribute to that poor physician:

There is a young doctor named Joel
When touched shares your pain and soul.
Empath or not,
He mirrors distraught:
May he never meet kidney stones while on a stroll.

Nah, I don’t shake hands. Thanks, anyway. Hope you have a great day!